When Someone Lies to You

My friend is going through a tough time. She started seeing a guy who said he was going through a divorce. It's been six months, and the lies he's telling her are building up.

They started seeing each other at work: he was her manager. They kept it quiet so as not to cause any trouble. He eventually left his managerial role to attend to another business he had with his wife. Eventually, he told my friend his wife was in the US illegally, and they were in the process of getting her proper documents. He couldn't get a divorce, he said, until his wife had the proper documentation because they held the business together.

She discovered he lied about being at work when he wasn't (she checked), where he lived, and who he was living with—he said it was his wife's male best friend. My friend can't meet his roommate because "he" would tell the wife (he's divorcing) he was seeing someone—and "make things a living hell" while they get divorced. 

This guy says he can't answer his phone in front of his roommate because the roommate would tell his wife everything. My friend keeps getting excuses from this guy about why he cancels holiday plans at the last minute with flimsy excuses.

This guy recently went to the hospital. My friend offered to sit with him and drive him home since his roommate drove him there. The guy said, "No, my roommate is with me and will do it. He's signing me out of the hospital."

My friend discovered several other lies and continues to get reasons why they can't be open about their relationship or why she can't meet his "roommate" or come to his apartment.

My friend thinks the roommate is the wife and that he isn't divorcing. She's concluded that she's the other woman and this guy is cheating on his wife.

My friend is upset about being lied to. She fell in love with this guy after being single for 15 years. This situation is painful. Being lied to in a romantic relationship makes my friend doubt everything about herself.

Why is this happening to me? is a common question when you find yourself in a deceitful situation.

Let's look at three different points of view (POVs). I'll explain this situation through different "lenses" to better understand how to "work through" a challenging situation. How you make sense of a challenging situation depends on your POV. The questions that come to mind when you think someone is lying to you depend on your point of view. How you see something determines whether you heal, make peace with the experience, and move on.

POV #1 The Victim

The most common point of view is that it feels like you have no control and things are happening to you. This POV supports the line of "why" questions: Why is this happening TO me? Why can't I find love? Why would someone do this TO me?

Most humans view life and its happenings through the victim mentality. The victim mentality is one in which the human perceives itself as having zero control and things "just happen." This POV is where you stand at the center of your world, and things randomly come at you from outside sources.

The victim's POV assumes that there are lucky and unlucky people in this world, and where you land is random. This POV supports a negative line of thinking. A human using the victim's POV can't see anything outside of the idea that they lack control and accordingly feel hurt and confused.

Why someone intentionally lies to the person they say they love is an unanswerable question. You'll never find a satisfying answer because things aren't happening to people in this reality. It's an incomplete understanding of how consciousness operates in this reality. 

The victim (mistakenly) believes the universe is "out to get me." and doesn't care whether things go well or not. This POV promotes isolation, struggle, and unworthiness.

POV #2 The Creator

This is a less common human point of view, but thanks to the surge in personal development, it is becoming more well-known. In this POV, the human understands the nature of this reality and how vibration plays a dynamic part in orchestrating experiences. The creator's POV is one in which the individual understands nothing is happening to a person; instead, it happens through you because of the vibrations you hold constant.

The human doesn't feel trapped by challenges but understands that "what happens" is evidence of one's vibration and not an indication of unworthiness. The creator's POV doesn't feel like a victim.

However, this POV is one-sided because it doesn't consider the double-sided mirror effect in all events and circumstances. The creator's POV is one-sided and perpetuates confusion because one doesn't totally understand why things happen the way they do in reality. The Creator's POV has tones of, If I just try harder maybe things will go better for me? and Why can't I get this vibrational alignment thing right?

The creator's perspective often reverts to the victim mentality when a person feels things are going wrong and it's your fault because you're not good enough or can't control your vibration. The creator struggles to ascertain the meaning of an experience, believing that there's an embedded lesson to take away.

The creator mistakenly believes the universe "has my back,' implying the universe is an external entity with power greater than the individual and withdraws its unconditional universe support on a whim.

POV #3 The Co-Creator

This is the most uncommon human point of view. In this POV, the human understands every experience reflects the individual's vibration and what is relevant for that person to "learn" about themselves. The co-creator always considers that there are multiple POVs in every situation and understands that each person extracts what is relevant from them depending on their active beliefs and life themes.

Being a victim in this POV is impossible because of how it's structured. In this POV, it is understood that no experience has innate meaning. The individual creates the meaning in the moment to know oneself better.

Two or more people, creatures, or entities unite for a duration (short to long), creating experiences that help them understand their active beliefs and life themes. Because of this flexible, multifaceted understanding, the individual never takes on the "low" vibrations of victimhood. The co-creator POV understands that they are 100% in control and, because of this, can create experiences that seem negative and it's up to the individual to shift the POV and find the positive. 

The co-creator knows all experiences have positive, negative, and neutral POVs. Because of this, nothing is deemed negative since a positive takeaway is always available with a shift in perspective. 

The question, "Why is this happening to me?" doesn't exist in the co-creator POV. Only questions such as, "What can I learn about my own beliefs and vibration from this experience?" can come to mind. The individual doesn't feel unworthy or hurt by the situation, only curious to learn more. Reality is understood as a reflection that helps us identify our active beliefs in each moment. This is always a good thing. Positive thoughts, ideas, and takeaways are easily evidenced from the co-creator POV.

You can see how the initially described situation has different meanings depending on your POV. There is never just one thing humans can take away from an experience.

Through the victim's POV,  you'll always see yourself as being taken advantage of. You might question your worthiness and whether or not you deserve happiness. You might decide you won't trust people again because they "always" disappoint you. You might even come to the misguided conclusion that you're unlovable or that this is negative karma from evil deeds in another lifetime. 

Through the creator's POV, you might decide that this experience reflects how you actively mistrust others because of past experiences. You might decide this was a positive experience because it showed you how you need to let go of past hurts and shift your vibration to one of trusting that good things are possible for you, that you are worthy of love, and that you are no longer willing to "stand for" being lied to.

You might be thankful because this experience is the "straw that broke the camel's back"—meaning you're sick and tired of "negative" reflections. You acknowledge (find the vibration of) your innate self-worth, and thanks to this experience, you are more confident than ever that nothing will stop you from finding true love. You know that one experience doesn't mean this is how life will be from now on. You understand that experiences stand alone in their momentary reflective capacity; they do not indicate a pattern or how life has to be from now on. You know you only create relevant experiences; how you interpret them is up to you.

In the co-creator's POV, this situation doesn't phase you at all. You understand that it is serving you at a "high" level. You never question why and don't feel the experience was a "waste of time." You celebrate the reflective capacity of this reality, and you're self-aware enough to understand this is simply a reflection of your active beliefs and vibration—fully understanding there is no secret meaning.

You know that what you take away from this experience allows you to know yourself more clearly and that the other people involved will do the same. You never think this one experience has to be repeated or indicate a pattern of any kind so you don't get sad or stressed out. You do not mourn the future or the past. You are present now, and allow it to reveal a few things you'd like to know to understand yourself better. You trust that the others involved will take away what they need to know about themselves; there is zero guilt, remorse, blame, or shame.

What you do with the lies someone tells you is up to you, depending on your POV. You can blame yourself (victim's POV) or come from the perspective that this is one experience among millions in this lifetime (neutral co-creator's POV). You can tell yourself that this must mean you're unloveable, or you can know that what you take from this lets you know what your vibration is today. It doesn't have to stay that way because you co-create every experience in this lifetime. You are in complete control because you are, first and foremost, a spirit—having the illusion of a physical experience.

It is easy to shift POVs. You are never beholden to one perspective. Learn more about the true nature of this reality, and this knowledge will set you free. You'll better understand your past and present POV. Your future POV on challenging situations depends on what you learn about reality today. I've written many blog posts on the true nature of this reality, so you can always start here to set yourself free from the victim mentality. 

Everything in reality is simultaneously positive, negative, and neutral. It's up to YOU to decide which POV you'll adopt in any situation. Active beliefs about what you're experiencing determine how you look at something.

Remember that we all have 100% trust. There is no such thing as a "lack" of trust; only 100% trust in things not working out. The difference between human experiences is: whether or not we trust that things are working out. You can trust that things will or won't work out.

You are 100% supported by the universe. The universe is YOU. It is not some dominant energy or entity outside you making choices for you.

When humans say, "The universe supports me," they don't understand that we are FULLY supported. If we believe that others will lie to us, we will attract that type of experience because we are 100% in control of this human experience. It is never that we are unworthy. Quite the opposite. We are fully loved and trusted. We determine how this human experience unfolds based on our active beliefs.

If you find that friends, family, or lovers lie to you, investigate your active belief that says others aren't trustworthy. Then ask yourself, "Why would I hold this negative belief active? How is this belief serving me? What do I fear will happen if I let go of this negative belief?" All beliefs serve you. Humans don't hold onto beliefs that aren't serving them. Suppose you have a negative belief such as, "People lie to me" or "People can't be trusted," and you experience the manifestation of that belief. This is a great time to investigate how this belief and experience serve you. Because they do.

Then ask yourself, "What positives can I take from this experience?" because ALL experiences contain positive, negative, and neutral POVs. 

Where you place your trust determines how you experience life. Switch how you look at your life experiences. Understand that the universe fully supports you because you ARE the universe. You create your reality. Seek to extract the positive from what you've historically seen as unfavorable and see what happens.

Schedule a free discovery call today if you want to work with me in 2024. I have space for two new clients in Jan. 2024 and would love to see if it's you. Learn more about my coaching program here.