What to Look for & Avoid In a Spiritual Coach or Program

I recently watched a documentary about a coaching organization based on the idea that everyone has a "twin flame" in life. The organization's definition of a twin flame states that only one true love ("twin flame") exists in your life. 

The leaders of this organization could purportedly spot that person for you. Then, once the leaders determined (via "channeling") who that person was, clients were told to pursue this "twin flame" at all costs.

People ruined their lives over the idea that there was only one person for them in this world. The organization insisted members denounce their families. One member ended up in jail for stalking. She was told that even though her "twin flame" stated he wanted nothing to do with her, she was instructed to keep pursuing the guy at costs because he was "the only one."

The documentary stated that members were paying thousands of dollars to remain active. Still, only a handful had found their twin flame even after being part of this organization for years. Many members even work for free doing sales, coaching, and marketing to be part of the "divine" inner circle.

Interestingly, the clients in this organization were primarily women.

More recently, the organization's leaders claimed to have channeled spiritual guidance from God. Everyone's "twin flame" just so happened to now be (or must enroll in monthly coaching) group members.

Only the leaders had the spiritual knowledge and information to know who your one true love is.

The organization's founders are a couple (cis-male and cis-female) who claim to have spiritual knowledge and divine guidance about twin flames.

The male leader claimed that people are either 100% feminine or masculine energy. He told (predominantly female) members they could not be both or even the energy type they authentically felt from birth—only he could know the energy type a person is.

Based on these false claims, the leaders instructed specific individuals to express either more feminine or masculine energy because every "divine union," as they believe, has to have one 100% masculine and one 100% feminine energy.

The leaders even went so far as to insist certain members change names and pronouns. If they didn't conform, they had to leave the group.

The members go along with this, believing the leaders have divine guidance. They devote their lives to these leaders, doing everything they are told in "coaching" sessions.

If you can't see it from the description, the organization described fits the description of a cult.

To be clear, this—and any organization claiming they know what another human being needs to do or be to find true love, abundance, salvation, or be authentically themselves—is wrong. There is no such thing as "exclusive divine knowledge" regarding another human being. 

You are Nonphysical consciousness directly connected to Source energy. If you don't resonate with the word Source, use another term such as God, The Universe, Unconditional Love, All-That-Is, Allah, or anything else. The point is that you have a direct line of communication with unconditional love. You create your reality from your unique POV. No one else can foresee your future, tell you how to fix a challenge or access information you don't already have access to.

Coercion is not love. It's fear-based control. No one has the right or authority to tell you who you are and how you should live.

But if you're scared, vulnerable, and believe others do have spiritual power and knowledge you don't, then you're more likely to be brainwashed. If you don't understand the true nature of this reality, you are more likely to believe that someone else has a divine connection and you don't.

The leaders of this "twin flame" "coaching" organization made monetary claims about their income and flaunted their wealth in the documentary. Frankly, I'm not quite sure of the purpose of monetary claims (other than the perception of superiority via claimed financial status) when the basis of their coaching was finding true love.

Money has zero to do with love.

What I saw in this show was deeply disturbing and massively damaging to one's personal safety and mental health. And so off base, spiritually speaking.

As I watched, I thought, "How could anyone buy into these lies?" But I also felt for them sincerely. I know what it's like to think someone else has answers for your life path and purpose. I remember what it felt like to believe someone else was "chosen" for spiritual guidance and that they were better and more divinely connected than me.

Parts of this documentary reminded me of the coaching organization I joined in 2014. While the coaching organization I joined didn't go as far as the one featured in the documentary I watched and didn't qualify as a cult, it was based on manipulation. 

I'm open about my experience with a well-known personal development coach. I wrote about it in the last two books, The Halfways: A Guidebook for Strengthening Your Intuitive Connection and Accelerate Your Mojo: 7 Simple Steps to Ignite Intuition, Shake off Fear, and Unleash the Real You.

What stuck out so predominately after I'd left the organization I participated in from 2014-2017 was the constant monetary claims. The leader made claims about his income as well as promises about ours, the clients.

I didn't realize at the time that we—the members, were the reasons this guy could make such claims. He kept making financial and spiritual promises and claims; we kept buying program after program. Our collective participation allowed him to be a millionaire. Yet that fact was wielded as it was separate and happened because of his spiritual prowess.

He had a secret, and being in the inner circle would cost money. If we could adequately implement his strategy, we, too, would be millionaires. It worked for him; it would work for us.

What was the business strategy that would make it rain cash? Get out your Rolladex and call everyone you know. They needed this program. It was going to fix their life. That was the extent of his business coaching. Keep selling. Sell to everyone and anyone. 

There was never talk about asking clients what was wrong with their lives or what they wanted to fix. We had a sales script to follow, "automatically creating results." If we didn't make a sale, it was because of our negative mindset or going off script. This program was designed to change your thinking, and everyone needed it. It was obvious. We just had to think differently.

It never dawned on me that to replicate his success, I'd need to have as many clients as he did paying his prices—on repeat. Or, he suggested that we—the aspiring life coaches, charge more (between $5K-$10K) per client and get to our millionaire status much quicker! Then we, too, could be "successful."

Then, we could be on stage, featured on the website, and recognized for our huge success.

After a while, I started getting confused because the life coaching program I was selling was based on spirituality and mindset, yet there was a lot of money talk. In coaching sessions with corporate, I was told my mindset was supposed to create financial success.

Yet, I had to purchase a specific amount of corporate programs to sell to others AND enroll in programs for personal development.

Corporate was making a significant income off of me (off of every coach) contributing to their corporate income.

But I was being coached that my mindset was stopping me. I needed to work harder and think differently.

It took me a while to figure that one out.

I was spending more money than I was earning.

I was told my problem was my mindset, not the program. The program was golden, and everyone needed it. 

Some people found their version of success by following his methods. I don't know them, but they're sure out there. Anything is possible, and specific methods can't determine success.

Because there is no one true path to success, any path can be a permission slip to create your reality. 

But for the most part, our collective continual financial reinvestment as coaches purchasing a physical box product to sell (workbook and DVDs) and as clients for corporate's other mentoring programs was the reason for their millions, not the top guy's mindset.

Unless you consider that his mindset was to sell at all costs at inflated prices.

I was told that if I wanted to be part of the "first million" club, I needed to keep attending live programs. It was implied that I didn't want to make a million dollars bad enough if I didn't participate. Participation equaled strength of desire. It was also implied that those who didn't attend would be "left behind." I didn't want to be left behind. I wanted to be part of this club. 

I worked two three-day seminars (for free), believing I was special because, according to the organization, only exceptional coaches were invited to work these events. I paid for an international flight, food, and lodging. I rented a car.

I was reassured it was a privilege to be in the leader's presence and learn from him. I would see a return on this financial investment if I did what I was told. I just had to follow the directions.

These three-day seminars cost participants 15K (per workshop). One woman I spoke to remortgaged her house to attend.

At the time, it seemed logical. Logic is based on belief systems.

It makes sense to fly halfway around the world and pay $15K to sit in a hotel conference room for 21 hours listening to the same stuff in the guy's YouTube videos if you believe others are special and receive divine guidance, but not you.

The leader was magical, wasn't he? We all agreed. He would show us how to create the same type of magic in our lives. We just had to change our subconscious minds and rid ourselves of negative beliefs. The leader would show up how. 

In the next workshop.

I distinctly remember the leader talking about how special this life coaching program was at one of the seminars I helped facilitate. At that point, the cost to enroll in his life coaching certification program was $25K. With his arms in the air for dramatic effect, he said, "This program is changing lives. If YOU want to change lives, sign up today. I just might raise admission to $35K next week!"

Emotional manipulation comes in all different ways.

I couldn't see how I was being emotionally manipulated at the time because I believed certain things about myself and others. I didn't think I was good enough. I didn't feel like enough I was. Others had special gifts and talents; I could never do what they did.

The irony is that the leader used our active beliefs of lack and scarcity to benefit financially while having us serve up a coaching program that was supposed to change our thinking.

Just because programs are spiritual doesn't mean they are ethical or beneficial. If anyone tries to tell you that you can't create the results you want without them, they are telling you that to control you.

And your wallet.

Many spiritual organizations use coercion and spiritually manipulative ideas because they—the organization and people who run it, believe there is no other way to create the results THEY want. If YOU don't play along, they can't get their desired results, usually concerning the ideas of wealth and fame.

It wasn't until I left the coaching organization I participated in that I could see how all those involved, from the leader to the salespeople and the executive coaches, depended on members' continued financial investment to make financial claims.

At first, it felt like the main leader of the organization in which I participated was somehow divinely chosen to make millions.

Lots of money equaled a very special person in my mind.

Eventually, I realized (meaning .... as I shifted my negative, limiting beliefs about myself and abundance) that he was pitching spiritual ideas for financial gain.

Was he aware that this was what he was doing? I don't know. I assume a part of him eventually put the pieces together, but I'll never know for sure. He might have genuinely believed everyone needed what he was selling and that charging half a year's private college tuition was reasonable when most people live paycheck to paycheck.

Looking at life through a limiting mindset, I saw him as having special knowledge. Who doesn't want the secrets unlocking the power of manifestation?

When I shifted to an authentic, divinely connected mindset, I saw it all as the lie that it was. I didn't need him, his program, or money to prove my worth.

Because coerciveness and lies continue to be prevalent in the personal development and spiritual coaching industry, it's good to know what red flags to look for.

RED FLAGS

1. The organization's sales practice is ultimatum-based or highly directive; you feel FOMO or fear when deciding whether to participate in coaching. You might also feel like they have "the solution" that will solve all your problems because of overt or suggested claims.
2. They make definitive statements/promises about your personal growth or individualized solutions.
3. Once you get in, they tell you you must buy more products and stay active in the group to achieve your goals. Being a member is THE way to success.
4. The leaders have THE answer(s) to your personal development or spiritual growth.
5. They tell you it's your fault when things aren't changing as promised. YOU aren't working hard enough. It's not the program; it's you. The answer? Study, dedicate more time, and participate more. You must try to be and do better (insinuating you're not enough as you are.)
6. They use spiritual rhetoric or spiritual concepts as a means of controlling thought and behavior. 

The Truth

1. You should never feel pressured to buy a coaching program or made to feel like you're missing out if you decide not to purchase. A sales agent only pressures you if they need to make income claims or reach some sales goal. Coaching organizations make money when clients sign up. Be wary if the organization makes frequent monetary claims to influence how you view them personally or the organization. When I joined the life coaching organization in 2014, the sales agent gave me "homework" and called back in 10 minutes. I had to state my goals and how I planned to get there. Oh and behold, the best (only, fastest, easiest, etc) way to create my success was through their organization, and lucky for me, they were about to raise their prices so I could still get in at the lower price (11K).
2. Organizations or people who make definitive claims (promises) about the exact types of personal, professional, or health growth you will have while in their coaching are delusional. No one can know what your future holds. It is impossible for someone to predict your exact future because YOU constantly create the " future " in each new moment. There is no ONE future. There are infinite futures. No one heals you; you heal you. Get as far away organizations that make definite claims about how they know or can create your future as soon as possible. No one can promise you'll find true love, heal cancer, make millions, or become famous. They don't have that kind of power in your reality. You are the only person who can decide what happens in your future.
3. Investing in unending coaching or program purchases is how the leaders of any coaching organization make money. They get you to buy unending monthly coaching or program after program, insisting that you'll create your dream life with this NEXT program. There's always another program to buy, level to achieve, or group coaching to attend.
4. A huge red flag is anyone who insists they have your answers and tells you what to do. Most coaching programs are based on standardized scripts. Everyone gets the same workbook, videos, and instructions. The leaders tell you what to do and when to do it. Standardized education has massive problems; we know this from observing public education. Personal development programs based on standardized learning struggle with the same challenges—they don't work for everyone. The life coaching certification program I joined was based on a workbook and watching a 30-minute video twice a day. Everyone did the same fill-in-the-blank worksheets. I can explain why filling in worksheets or watching a video twice a day doesn't change one's subconscious beliefs if you'd like. It should be evident that not everyone learns the same way, and watching a video doesn't change anything. Otherwise, Netflix would rule the world. Watching Forks Over Spoons doesn't change your mind about food unless you change your mind about food. It's not watching the movie that changes a belief; it's you who changes your beliefs. 
5. Creating change is not about working harder. It's not about which organizations you join. And if you don't get someone else's promised results, never let anyone guilt you into believing in the idea of fault, as in unworthiness. You are worthy because you exit. Full stop. It's not your "fault," meaning that you didn't try hard enough or are a terrible person somehow. No one deserves awful things to happen to them. There is NOT just one "twin flame" for each person. That is a human idea of limitation meant to instill fear and control behavior. The real you is an eternal, unconditionally loved Nonphysical being. You can connect with a loving human being at any time and place. Nothing is predestined, and you're not missing out by not having found a healthy, loving relationship at this point in life. You can find true love, and it doesn't require a coaching membership.
6. Using spiritual ideas or terminology as a means of control happens in many organizations, from religion to personal development. Please know that if you hear phrases such as, "You should do this," "It's the best thing for you," "If you want your results, you must," "You won't unless you," and other limiting phrases, they're inaccurate, and .... there's an ulterior motive. Perhaps it's a family member who wants to have control over your mind or emotions or a coaching organization that requires your membership fees to make public financial claims. Relationships based on fear can be hard to separate from when you don't know the way forward. How do you know what to DO to achieve the desired results? Follow your intuition. It never lies to you. It knows you, what's relevant for you to experience, and the best way forward. Your intuition is free, connected to your divine Higher Self, and always has multiple choices and suggested paths forward—none of which require personal sacrifice, pain, or suffering.

There is no such thing as one "twin flame" love in this lifetime. And no one else can tell you who that person is! Only you can make that call.

This "twin flame" idea is a limiting fear-based idea meant to control using fear. Thousands who are vulnerable and have no idea how reality gets created are convinced of this idea and are being subjected to an enormous amount of emotional abuse.

Additionally, anyone who claims to channel information and that information is hurtful, controlling, or exclusive is not truly channeling. My definition of channeling is a connection with an unconditionally loving energy source. Information from a Source or a loving spirit never involves the idea of diminishment or exclusivity. True channeling from spirit comes from the energy of unconditional love. It makes you feel safe and empowered.

Those who claim to channel information that limits you through control, such as the idea that there's only one true love of your life and someone else—the organization's leader, for example, has exclusive access to that information, are not channeling. They are having an experience using their own fear-based, negative beliefs where they either believe they are receiving "divine" information or they know they are not and are lying. They chose to use the word divine because they know it carries weight (and mystery) for spiritual people.

Truly divine information doesn't cause fear, anxiety, stress, panic, depression, or a sense of limitation. It doesn't give one person power over another. "Divine information is only available to certain people" is a myth that humans perpetuate out of fear of losing control.

If you're considering joining a coaching program or hiring a coach, look for the red flags, and if you see even one of them, keep looking. I've seen organizations and people who DO understand the nature of this reality and act in ethical, loving ways.

Coaching can be very beneficial when the relationship is based on the client's independence—mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and especially financially. The way to tell whether you've found someone or an organization operating in ethical, nonpredatory ways is to follow the guidelines in The Truth section.