The Disappearing Energy Bar

We woke up at 3:45 am and caught a 6 am flight out of Chicago.

I typically have a tall glass of water when I get up in the morning. Then, I have a cup of decaf coffee or tea with oat milk and a small breakfast bar.

Catching a flight so early, I wasn't ready to drink or eat. I brought two clementines, an apple, and water in my carry-on. I put the energy bar in my purse so I wouldn't have to dig for it on the airplane.

We flew Southwest Airlines out of Chicago O'Hare airport. We don't usually fly with them and weren't familiar with their terminal location.

The Southwest digital check-in email stated that we'd be walking for 15-20 minutes and to wear comfortable shoes. Southwest Airlines is located in the International terminal and has the farthest boarding gates from the terminal entrance. It's quite a hike to get there.

We arrived at the gate with 5 minutes to spare, which gave me enough time for one quick bathroom trip and another energy bar purse check.

I was getting hungry.

I hate being stuck without the ability to find food I can eat. I checked that the bar was in my purse thrice that morning before leaving home.

I often worry that maybe I didn't do what I thought I did, creating a self-induced stressful situation. All this fearful thinking triggers my compulsion to over-compensate with compulsive checking.

Being a meat-eating, gluten-free vegan, my choices are always limited when traveling. I eat meat but not dairy or eggs and have been gluten-free for many years. I can't grab a Starbucks to-go bagel or an airport vending box turkey and cheese sandwich on white bread. 

In the last year, I've been working hard to catch my thinking when I panic. I tell myself it's okay and that everything is working out. I try to breathe deeply, but my pulse and adrenaline always increase.

What makes me panic? Feeling physically stuck.

I get very anxious when I'm stuck in traffic, and I either have to go to the bathroom or worry that I will. The feeling of being stuck is overwhelming.

Being in a crowded room triggers claustrophobia. I need to be near the door to feel safe and not get too panicky. What if it gets too crowded, and people notice I'm anxious? What if I look like a weirdo because I run out of the room for no reason?

Elevators can be triggering—the ultimate stuckness. What if today's the day it breaks, and I'm stuck for hours in a metal box?

Small seats on a full airplane flight feel very confining. The seats are tiny.

I feel stuck when I don't have food I can eat, such as on a long airplane ride while I'm starving.

I don't get triggered by things where I feel mentally stuck, such as not having the solution to a problem. Those situations are quickly smoothed over. I've worked to avoid getting triggered and typically find quick and easy solutions.

Some might say I should use the same techniques to deescalate my anxiety in situations where I'm physically unable to leave.

I'm working on it. I'll get there when I get there. I'm not there yet.

When I opened my purse at the gate—quadruple checking, my energy bar was not there. It had disappeared. 

OMG. WTF. I had done everything I could to avoid this exact situation.

I started to panic. How could this be happening? What happened to my bar? I hadn't opened my purse since I left the house.

I hurriedly took everything out of my purse; it wasn't there.

Outwardly, no one would ever know I was thinking and feeling so disgruntled. I appeared relaxed and unphased; no one else could tell I was having an internal meltdown.

To quell my panic, I told myself this was a test. I set up a test to prove I could conquer this food scarcity consciousness and hypoglycemic challenge.

We didn't have time to look in my backpack for a potential backup energy bar. Southwest Airlines doesn't have assigned seating, so you get what you get, and you don't get upset. It was time to board.

We were some of the last people on the plane, so not only would I spend the next three and one-half hours keeping my hunger at bay with a few fruit pieces and pretending to be happy about it, but I would also have to do it sandwiched between two elbow-wielding strangers.

Waiting to board, I tried to shift my thinking and feelings by telling myself I created this reality to give myself practice controlling my emotional constitution. This was the perfect situation to get control of my internal experience.

Would I be okay? Of course. Everything would be fine. I was not going to starve.

Was it annoying? Yes, but that was something I could adjust in real-time.

Turns out, there were two seats together in the very last row. My daughter and I were able to sit together. This was a "sign" that things were looking up.

Was I hungry on the flight? Yes, I was. I ate both clementines and the whole apple. I didn't drink much water because I didn't want to have to get up. I always worry about the seatbelt sign getting turned on and me having to go to the bathroom. I feel very stuck when that happens.

Not being able to do what you desperately "need" to is emotionally disturbing.

It wasn't until a day later, when I opened my purse that I saw the energy bar.

It had reappeared. It was right where I first put it.

Did I "jump timelines" to one where the energy bar was in my purse the whole time? Perhaps.

Did I truly not see it in my purse? It's unlikely because I looked thoroughly.

Did someone else take it and put it back without my knowledge? No, that wasn't an option. From leaving the house until we arrived at the gate, no one else could access my purse.

The energy bar was not there when we boarded. Then, it was when we landed.

Some people are currently experiencing the flexibility and fluidity of this physical reality—not everyone, only those who want to understand the true nature of this reality experience.

We create our reality. Reality is not happening outside us. It's transpiring inside our Nonphysical consciousness. It is a reflection of our vibration in each moment.

My energy bar appeared at my homestead [reality] but not at the airport terminal [reality]. It didn't disappear. It was always there.

I shifted to a reality where I no longer needed the energy bar to create my desired experiences.

I needed the experience of not being vibrationally compatible with the energy bar in one moment and then being aligned with it in another. How do I know? It occurred that way. That's how I know.

Is it possible that the bar was always in my purse, and I didn't see it? Sure. Any and all possibilities are happening simultaneously.

But for me, it disappeared so I could experience a greater sense of self-trust and self-awareness. The energy bar needed to disappear from my current reality so that I could experience discomfort and come out stronger and more self-assured.

This is a perfect example of a negative experience creating a positive outcome.