Shifting That Sense of Fear When Things Don't Work Out

I drive the same way to work every day. Rarely do I encounter any traffic, construction, or delay. On my way home two days ago, an accident blocked my usual path.

The only option was to go right instead of my planned route, which was straight. The only way around the accident was backed up approximately 1/2 mile due to a swift left turn signal. Once you got to the light, left or right were the only options.

It was the only way out. I had no other choice.

Sitting in traffic, I started thinking about how I wasn't panicked. I just went around the block even though it was inconvenient.

I never doubted I'd get to where I needed to go.

I've driven numerous long routes: Michigan to Colorado, Chicago to Florida, Chicago to Massachusetts, and many more. Some of these trips required me to make directional adjustments along the way.

Have you ever driven somewhere and had to adjust your route along the way?

When you run into a transportation detour, you don't say to yourself, "The route is closed. This detour is a sign from the universe that I'm not meant to reach my destination," falling into despair.

You keep moving forward, allowing the new path to reveal itself. Even when you can only focus on one step at a time, or there appears only one way out, you continually trust that you'll eventually reach your destination.

Conversely, many people interpret challenges and "detours" from where they are to where they want to be in life's journey as massive problems. They get upset and can even experience fear when something (seemingly) prohibits their envisioned perfect path to manifestation.

Do you get discouraged when something blocks the path to your desired outcome?

Please be honest with yourself. Nothing is gained from pretending.

Other words for outcomes are goal, vision, desire, or manifestation.

I'll be honest. I used to get very discouraged. I cried a lot and felt unworthy. I thought I had it more challenging than everyone else.

I believed the universe was punishing me when things didn't work out as planned. I used to say things such as, "Why is this happening? I'm a good person who works hard and is honest and kind. Why can't it be easier!?"

I used to get very frustrated and angry. Pissed off, honestly. I would look at others who had my desired results and make excuses for why they had it easier. 

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I don't get emotionally out of whack anymore.

I DO experience a total range of emotions.

The difference is the duration and intensity of the feelings.

If I feel annoyed when things seem to be taking a turn for the worse, I catch it early and shift the negativity. Long-term unhappiness is a thing of the past.

How did I become proficient at emotional awareness and energy shifting?

Practice. Lots and lots of practice. I'm still, and will always be, practicing.

Where did I find the "perfect" experiences to practice emotional adjustment? Every moment of every day.

You don't need to concoct situations or wait another day to practice. Use what you have today.

I also educated myself on the true nature of this reality. I got clear on the mechanics of how things manifest.

What is the true nature of this reality? Abundance, fairness, and love.

Any moment where I feel something less than it is me. It is not an external reality creating my unhappiness; it is me. I am choosing to feel something other than love, appreciation, and expansion.

By staying in a place of fear, we continually fuel the limiting belief: "Because I can't see what I want or how I'm going to create my desired experience, it must mean it's impossible."

Thinking what you need can't or won't happen, or worse, has to occur in a specific way, keeps the negative beliefs and the fear-based feelings active. 

By the way, you ALWAYS get everything you need. Perhaps not everything your ego mind thinks it wants, but we want a lot more than our souls require for expansion.

I'm not sharing this to say, "I did it. You can do it, too," or "I am fearless. You can live fearlessly, too," which can be annoying anthems when you're struggling.

When I started my personal development/small business owner journey, I was inspired by the "you can be like me" monetary and goal achievement sentiments. I used to think that what I observed others doing was automatically included on my soul's path. Why else would I be seeing it?

Statements such as, "I did it, you can do it too," are comparison statements. Depending on your POV and emotional resonance, they might be inspiring, but they might not be. You might strive for what you see or use it as a means of self-depreciation.

In everything, there is positive, negative, and neutral. Shifting your active sense of fear depends on your POV.

Not to be Debbie Downer, but just because one person creates an experience for themselves doesn't mean another person can or will.

That might sound "mean." You might think, "How can you say that to me, Allison? If I see something I want, contemporary personal development teaches me, "If I see and believe it, I can achieve it."

The human idea of one-to-one correspondence and replication has messed with many great minds.

The latter statement misunderstands why we observe anything in this reality. Just because you "see" something doesn't mean you can or will "be" it.

The "If you can see it and be it, you can achieve it" sentiment is too simplistic. Reality is infinitely more complex than that.

First, what you "see" (take note of, observe) depends on your POV. Second, why you see something and become emotionally attached to it is to know yourself more intimately. The PURPOSE of seeing anything in reality is to expose existing brief systems—both positive and negative.

It's about better understanding and identifying those active beliefs—not necessarily about acquiring or achieving what you perceive.

This reality is NOT about acquisition or achievement in the sense of final results. It is about experience, and experience is always taking place and never has to be acquired. Experience is never-ending.

Please take that statement to heart. I'm not insinuating that you can't shift that sense of fear when your situation is challenging. You can. And many of you will learn this unique skill set in your lifetime.

But the when, where, and how depend on your unique path in this life. Comparing your life's details to another rarely results in deep satisfaction and joy.

Reality is complex. A lot is happening, and learning to embrace challenges with more ease and flow and less self-recrimination is a large part of why you projected a portion of your consciousness into this reality.

Negative experiences are often seen as "bad," and the "lessons" are overlooked. Most people want to be done quickly with something they perceive as unfavorable because fear is uncomfortable. The emotional discomfort can be overwhelming; we want to escape it now.

But it's not only essential to have these challenges show up in life; it's part of the operating mechanism of this reality.

Shifting that sense of fear when things don't work out has everything to do with emotional awareness. Don't run from emotional discomfort. Face the feelings. Ask yourself, "What would I need to believe is true about myself in this situation to feel the way I do?" You can also ask, "What do I feel will happen if I live my preferred life and act in alignment with my authentic self?"

FOOTNOTE:

While writing this article, an email showed up from a coworker. She shared an article by Sarah Werner Andrews called The Myth of the Perfect Child. I found this quote particularly relevant to what I'm writing about today.

"When we let go of any preconceptions of what we think children are supposed to be, or what work is “supposed to look like,” we open our minds and our eyes to a new vision: Difference is not only normal, difference is expected, and difference is celebrated. We begin to seek out the children that other people have left behind because they are too challenging—because we know that children who challenge us the most need us the most."

 If we replace a few words, this quote fits well with my writing today.

When we let go of any preconceptions of what we think our [results] are supposed to be or what [life] is “supposed to look like,” we open our minds and our eyes to a new vision: [Challenge] is not only typical; [challenge] is expected, and [challenge/contrast] is celebrated. We begin to seek out the [emotional experiences] that other people [avoid] because they are too challenging—because we know that [situations that] challenge us [are what] we need the most because [it is the best way to understand who we indeed are deeply]."

Andrews' article focuses on misconceptions about a "perfect" Montessori child. When a teacher says, "She is the perfect [Montessori] child!" it brings to mind that there must be children who are "imperfect" for such an environment.

There is no imperfect child—only adults who force their ideas of perfection on uniquely individual children. 

Similarly, there are no wrong turns in life and challenges "corrupt" no perfect paths.

The idea that a vision, goal, or objective is perfect causes emotional distress—not the challenge that comes up. The belief that we are not supposed to be where we are and experience what we experience causes fear.

When you tell yourself you are "off your perfect [imagined, envisioned] path," panic ensues.

There is no imperfect path, only egoic minds that force their ideas of imagined outcomes on uniquely varying and ever-changing paths.

If you want to work with me in a 1-on-1 coaching capacity, email [email protected]. I have a well-received custom coaching program focused on igniting intuition, transforming fear, and being happy with your authentic self.