Running Up That Hill of Unworthiness

Other ways to describe unworthiness are lack of self-worth, not feeling good enough, not feeling like you have the "right," thinking that you can't do it, be it or experience it as you are now, and not being able to place your needs first—for whatever reason you tell yourself.

It's feeling like you can't express yourself because someone else might take offense or feel bad.

And you never want anyone else to feel bad because of you.

Running up the hill of unworthiness is so tiring. It's always up and never down.

A lack of self-worth is the antagonist with a thousand faces.

Some days, she shows up as defensiveness. 

Other days, insecurity.

Doubt.

Worry.

Jealousy.

Anxiety.

Braggadocio.

Aggression.

Lying. 

Exaggeration.

Silence.

Shame.

Guilt.

Reluctance.

Passiveness.

Vengeance.

Duplicity.

Fear.

Not speaking your truth.

Exaggeration.

Depression.

Insecurity.

Machismo.

Fatigue. 

Stomach aches.

Perfectionism.

Apathy.

Emotional withdrawal.

Obsession.

Mania.

The only reason we can feel unworthy at all is because we are unconditionally loved and supported by Source energy. [Choose the wording you prefer: The Universe, Allah, God, The One, All-That-Is]

That isn't easy to understand when you feel like you're not good enough. You might even question the validity of your human experience.

Is there truly a benevolent God? If there is, why would she punish me like this? Why do I feel this useless and self-loathing?

Why don't I love myself more? Why do I feel so bad?

The Paradox:

We are an extension of Source energy.

We are a reflection of and an extension of THE basis of love.

For the process of vacuuming to work, an extension cord must attached to the outlet and the vacuum. 

To be human to work, a physical being and its primary energy source must always be connected.

Source never stops loving itself. It never stops being love. It is love. It'll never be anything other than what it is.

Therefore, we never stop loving ourselves. It'd be impossible, given that we are an extension of the primary energy Source of the universe.

It just feels impossible on the days we dislike ourselves.

Feeling impossible is only possible because everything is [possible]. Thus, the paradox.

Resisting who we really are is exhausting because the bulk of our true selves is the vibration of love. It's much easier to drop our oars and go with the natural energy flow, but many don't—including me.

Similar to how a loving, supportive, and wise parent stands strong beside a child as they experience discomfort, knowing this too shall pass, we also have unconditional support from our parent—Source Energy, as we move through the EXPERIENCE of feeling unloveable and unworthy. It doesn't last forever, and in having this experience, we know more about who we authentically are: resilient and worthy.

There are two parts to everything: the thing and the experience of the thing.

Something positive can be experienced as negative—and vice versa.

The physical mind little understands our creative freedom as Nonphysical consciousness.

As a Nonphysical consciousness, we have 100% control of our experience vibrationally. We interpret it as best we can through the lens of the physical and Nonphysical minds. Even when the physical mind is confused about situations, the Nonphysical is clear.

Sometimes, looking at life through the physical mind's negative lens is the only way to realize what we need to know about ourselves. 

Footnote: because the one rule of existence is that it exists—always, you've got plenty of time to figure this self-worth puzzle out. You exist. You will never "not exist" in some form or another. Nonexistance, by definition, does not exist, and it's already full of everything that doesn't exist. There's no room for you in Nonexistance.

When you're ready to move away from the feelings of unworthiness, worthiness is there waiting. There is no reason to run away from your negative internal and external experiences. 

Take a deep breath and lean into what's happening. You'll be surprised at how indestructible you genuinely are.

A lack of self-worth feels painful because you intuitively know that feeling good is your natural state. You vaguely remember being the resonance of unconditional love; returning to that state is your true calling.

You intuitively know life is not about getting rid of self-loathing but embracing self-love.

To Source, feeling unworthy is a valid experiential choice because, from Source's POV, no choice is wrong. It's not wrong to experience a lack of self-love.

"Wrong" is a judgmental concept conceived by humans to punish themselves and others. You did this wrong. You were wrong to think that. I'm right; you're wrong.

[We act punitively when we feel disconnected.]

But for Source, negative, diminished experiences carry as much weight as feelings of joy and worthiness. Feeling unworthy and worthy are equal in importance in this reality.

One experience is not better than another. 

But we believe it is; hence, we feel bad about feeling bad. Being human is very meta. 

Trying to convince you of this fact is nearly impossible when feeling blue.

Why? Because the universal mechanism of exclusion is at work.

Negative vibrations are exclusive, meaning they leave a lot out. They don't let in the ideas, feelings, and experiences that "prove" your worthiness.

When you feel better, it's easier to relate to the idea of worthiness.

Why? Because the universal mechanism of inclusion is at work.

Positive vibrations are inclusive, meaning they include more thoughts, feelings, and experiences that "prove" your innate worthiness. 

When I use these familiar spiritual terms in my books and blogs, please understand that negative is not a term of judgment but a means of describing how something works. Positive is not a term of judgment but a means of explaining how the universe's energy mechanically works.

We are so loved by Source that we can create ANY experience we choose.

We are love. Unconditional love.

Unconditional means there is NO CONDITION, even that of unworthiness, that isn't a valid, honorable choice. Feeling diminished in your sense of self is as impactful to your eternal experience as self-love.

When (not if, but when) you realize that feelings of disconnect or diminishment do not mean you are less than others, they will lose their power, and you'll naturally feel what is real.

What is real? 

You are innately worthy.

How can I say that with such confidence?

Because. You exist.

The universe doesn't make mistakes. For a "perfect" universe to happen, you must be present exactly as you are: insecure.

You are not less than. You're an essential aspect of creating an eternally expanding universe.

A whole something is not missing pieces. An experience is only complete when it honors all aspects—with love.

Due to the nature of this reality, you are allowed 100% creative control over your human experience. You can feel less than under the rules of engagement concerning an unconditional, loving, and supportive universe.

Why does a loving universe allow for such negativity?

Because it's UN-CON-DI-TION-AL.

There are NO (as in zero) conditions that are not permissible. They all have a purpose.

What's the purpose of expanding (positive) and constrictive (negative) experiences? To know yourself from a new POV.

There is no "big lesson" to learn in your life.

Humans like the ideas of mystery and drama. They like to pretend there are hidden reasons for their life experiences that they'll learn once they die.

It sounds so dramatic. All will be revealed when you die! Until then, those who struggle the most and tolerate the misery with a smile are awarded and honored for their heroic sacrifice. We love a good hero's journey tale.

TRUTH:

There are no hidden reasons for your life experiences other than giving you a new perspective about yourself.

In actuality, being human is very anti-climatic.

No one is out to get, put, and keep you down.

No universal forces are testing you.

It is not karma in the sense of payback.

It's not about struggle = worthiness or doing more than others in the race for acknowledgment.

It's only about acquiring a new POV about yourself through all experiences.

You choose to project your consciousness into a reality of perceived separation—from a place of love. For your spirit, this was an exciting choice—and still is.

Earth is a reality of reflections. Up, down, right, left, over, under, worthy, unworthy.

Knowing how a lack of self-worth is even an experiential option is essential to understanding the idea of worthiness.

Worthiness and unworthiness are equal reflections of The One vibration: unconditional love. They are born of the same mother: Unconditional.

Most of your consciousness is NONPHYSICAL. A small fractalized portion of it stretches out to explore new vibrational realities.

Think of your hand as Source Energy and your fingers as soul endeavors. To properly function, the fingers (souls) stay attached to the palm (Source) yet have present tense individualized experiences, helping orchestrate a holistic experience. The fingers are in continual communication with the whole hand.

As a human, you perceive reality through sensory modalities of touch, hearing, smell, taste, and sight. These perceptions are specific to human experiences and direct your awareness in a hyper-specific way. No other form of life perceives reality as humans do.

If you wore color-filtering glasses from birth, explaining technicolor to you would be challenging. 

If you've been exploring feeling unworthy for a long time, embracing your worthiness might feel strange.

Perhaps even impossible.

But it's not.

Shifting your POV slightly can open up a whole new world of possibilities. 

Nothing about the real you is physical.

Nonphysical consciousness (spirit—of which you are 100%) understands and embraces its connection to unconditional love. Unconditional means there is no condition that is "bad" or unacceptable.

Feeling unworthiness isn't bad. It's simply an experience—one of infinitely invaluable options.

Often, there's a shame that accompanies unworthiness. We feel wrong for feeling bad. Feeling bad keeps us from admitting to ourselves and others that we don't feel good enough to do and say what we want.

The way to start heading "downhill" toward a more consistent feeling of worthiness is to examine from what beliefs the sensations stem.

Ask yourself, What would I need to believe is true about myself to feel like I do in this situation? If I move forward how I want to, what do I fear will happen?

Beliefs stay active because they are serving us.

Find out what active negative beliefs are replicating the experience of unworthiness in your experience.

If you feel unworthy, it's because this belief is serving you.

What is it that you are afraid will happen if you feel worthy?

What will change in your life?

How does it shift how you see your friends, family, and strangers and they see you?

Would you create more of the experiences you say you desire? What then?

Are you scared you won't be able to handle the changes?

Does the idea of uncertainty keep you stuck?

Let me know what resonated with you, if anything, about this post. In writing these words, I do not claim to be "unworthy-free."

I struggle daily, as you do. 

But I trust that the words I channel from an unconditionally loving Source help to heal us both. I have just enough self-worth to know that I can trust wisdom from Spirit and that I am just the person to share it.

 If you want to work with me in a coaching capacity, reach out today to [email protected]. We can discuss whether this is the next best step for us both.