Ease Up On the Need to Control & Embrace Perfect Timing

For some humans, the need to control situations and people is a strong urge. We believe that if we don't do it, "nothing will get done." And it certainly won't get done right or in the best way possible.

We believe that by doing everything ourselves, we're being helpful. It takes the burden off others. Good people go above and beyond; we're good people.

We also want stuff done so we can relax.

Not sure if you feel the need to control stuff in life? Check out the examples below.

You're on time for that scheduled meeting, and the other person didn't show up or follow up, so you automatically think the worst about your opportunities to get what you want, call the person rude, or get really annoyed.

You can't let your kids do it themselves or struggle. You want it done, so you do it yourself (and get annoyed that you always have to do it yourself).

You needed to make today's flight, but traffic caused you to miss it. You have a panic attack and believe that everything is ruined.

The date you were looking so forward to wasn't who you thought they'd be. This reinforces your belief in trusting others: you can't because they always let you down.

Something great happens. Now you're waiting for the other shoe to drop—because it always does.

You have hopes and dreams, and it can be heartbreaking when it doesn't (seem to) work out. You work hard. You show up. You give more than you've got. Why can't you catch a break?

The need to control situations and circumstances always leads to stress and frustration. Rarely does one come out the other side of the statement, "I need it to happen this way or else!" with a relaxed, happy heart.

With the desire to make things happen in a specific way often comes great disappointment and letdown when it doesn't work out the way you planned.

But what if things are always working out, and we've misunderstood the individual's built-in creative control of reality? What if unrecognizable and unseen benevolent factors continually work on our behalf so that we experience everything relevant to us in a lifetime?

If you're familiar with my writing and self-help approach, you'll know that I always circle back to the beginning so that my ideas make sense. So, let's start at the beginning.

• You're an eternal Nonphysical consciousness. Part of your broader consciousness has temporarily "cocooned" itself on the frequency of this time-space reality.
• You have an inner guidance system that helps you get where you want.
• Contrast is an essential component of this reality experience. It helps you recognize your active beliefs and reflects how you can know yourself better based on your reaction to the situation.
• Synchronicity allows for perfect timing. It's always working; it never turns off. Pushing against it by demanding things be different always ends in heartache.

Last week Sofia and I flew to New York (via Boston) for college visits. I booked a 6 am flight from O'Hare Airport, so we were up at 3:45 am. The flight boarded on time. However, ten seconds into take off, one of the three hydraulic systems failed, causing the pilot to abort take off. We deplaned and waited for one and a half hours before they located another plane.

Once at Boston Logan Airport, we took the overstuffed, hot shuttle to car rental. An hour and a half later, the rental agency finally located a car. It was sweltering in the garage, waiting for a vehicle to arrive. We then drove six hours to our destination.

The hotel where I'd booked a room looked nothing like the photos online. It needed a lot of repairs. The town lacked a je ne sais quoi. The hotel had no filtered water station, and the town had few places to eat. It looked somewhat abandoned. 

Driving three hours from one school to another the next day, we hit such heavy, aggressive rain storms that most cars on the highway drove with their hazards on. It was nearly impossible to see the car in front of you.

The second hotel was much better, as was the town itself. Walking the tour for school #2, it was sweltering hot. We barely made it and were sweating profusely when we got to the car.

Another long day ahead, we drove three hours back to Boston Logan Airport in soggy clothes. We arrived at 3 PM. Our flight didn't take off until 8:30 PM. The inbound flight for our plane was delayed. When it finally arrived at 9:40 PM, we boarded only to discover the flight crew was no longer legal to work. They were over their allotted work hours.

The pilot shared logistics: if we could get in the air and head toward Chicago before midnight, the pilots would be legal, but any longer than that, they'd be overtime.

As the UA Boston crew worked to find flight attendants who weren't overtime and legal to fly, Chicago O'Hare Airport issued a ground stop due to a tornado warning. We sat on the plane for an hour only to deboard and be stuck in Boston for the night.

United rebooked us on the 4:30 PM Saturday flight to Chicago the next day. They found us a room at the Sheraton. When we got to the hotel, I told the guy the airline sent us over—with a reservation.

He says, "I wish they'd call first. Airlines book rooms for passengers even when we have no rooms available. Let's see if we have anything."

Thank goodness he did. We got to bed at about 12:30 AM. The Saturday flight was packed but we did take off on time and made it home.

The above is one version of the story. It's told from the vantage point of believing that things aren't working for me. It paints a picture of inconvenience and annoyance.

You can tell this story from multiple angles. This version is the one that believes I need to control things to feel good. I listed all the things that went wrong. The POV looks for sympathy or commiseration when shared. It invites the reader to activate the belief that we have no control over our experiences.

It would be very different if I told you this story from the POV of easing up on the need to control. Suppose I told you about this trip from the perspective of understanding and embracing perfect timing.

Instead, I'd tell you how we avoided danger by not taking off with a faulty hydraulic system and how we got from the terminal to the car rental in only 15 minutes.

I'd tell you about all the fantastic conversations I had with my daughter as we waited for planes and guided tours and how we never once hit terrible traffic in 12 hours of driving.

I'd talk about how easy it was to find our way around every place we visited and how much we learned about what Sofia wants from her college experience.

I'd mention how often we laughed and how much I valued this time with her. In a year, we'll be empty nesters.

I'd tell you about how UA paid for the room and provided cash for food when they canceled the Friday night flight and how easy it was to catch a taxi rather than wait for a hotel shuttle at 12:30 PM.

I'd mention that it's rare to get the opportunity to experience the situations we did with someone there to help you along the way—at the age of seventeen. If Sofia ends up at college in New York, she'll know what to do when a flight gets delayed and canceled, how to rent a car, navigate large airports, and feel safe and calm even when things don't go as planned. This trip provided invaluable life experiences.

I'd share how, during the entire trip, I never once got annoyed when something didn't turn out how I imagined. I know that when something "goes wrong," it's actually going right. A million little things are happening I'm unaware of to help keep me (us) safe and provide all the experiences I (we) desire in life.

You never know HOW a desire is fulfilled until it happens. It might be exactly as you pictured it. It might be something unexpected. It might look like something has "gone wrong," but if you understand and believe in perfect timing, you don't panic.

Easing up on the need to control creates a much more fluid and enjoyable experience. I realize it can feel strange at first. We, humans, prefer to try ad exert control. When you give up the need to control situations and circumstances, it might feel as if you don't care as much, or you might be accused of "not caring" because you don't get upset or worried.

The need to control can come from the belief that if you don't plan, exert effort, or "make things happen," nothing will. But nothing could be farther from the truth.

The truth is that there's a built-in "control" to this reality. There's an organic organizing principle helping to ensure things always work out for you. 

Often the need to control comes from the negative ego. When the physical mind, which is not designed to predict the future, tries to make "solid" plans, it often does so out of fear. It attempts to envision what it thinks is the best outcome and how it'll happen.

Since this is not the Physical Mind's job, it believes something has gone wrong when external circumstances don't match the imagined reality.

Your natural state is well-being, and your essence's (soul, spirit) default frequency (vibration) is high.

The flip side of the need to control is the realization that things are always working out for you, even when you can't see how. It's a much more relaxed, enjoyable way to live. Following the natural flow of synchronicity and allowing things to fall into place—NO MATTER WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE, allows for greater joy, ease, and a feeling of authentic safety.

Let go of your need to control how things turn out, and let me know how it goes. If you stick with it long enough, you'll experience more flow and well-being.