Almost, But Not Quite

Do you ever feel like you're almost there but not quite?

Perhaps you almost found the love of your life, but there were a few extenuating circumstances you knew ignoring would poison the relationship. 

Maybe you love your job, but it would be great if this one coworker would stop being so annoying.

Do you seem to be the runner-up consistently and never the winner? Are you "always the bride's maid and never the bride?"

I felt like that a lot growing up. I still feel that way sometimes.

When I was ten, I wanted to break my toe so that someone would pay more attention to me. A kid in my 5th-grade class broke his arm, and everyone signed his cast.

He was a big deal.

I desperately wanted to be a big deal.

I always felt like the second fiddle. In fact, in middle school, I was consistently the second-chair trumpet. I never quite made it to the first chair.

In high school, there was always someone who skied better than me. My best friend was my competition both on and off the slopes. She was prettier and had better grades. People flocked to her for her outgoing personality.

I wasn't emotionally, mentally, or academically strong enough to attend college like my peers. Instead, I stumbled off to France for a year and, upon returning, attended community college.

When I transferred to Michigan State University, my grades reflected this "almost, but not quite" pattern: never achieving straight As, always a B+ or A-.

I remember often thinking, "I'm very average at many things but never great at one thing. I just want to be great at one thing and shine in that area."

I felt almost, but not quite in my being.

I continue to recreate that feeling sometimes to date. Where does this "less than" experience show up?

I prefer to dress casually. I'm more of a "plain Jane" who's always got dirt under her fingernails and could use a haircut. I almost fit in with the well-coiffed, but not quite. A nip and tuck here and there might help elevate my professional appearance, yet I'm never quite there.

I'm in good shape physically, but not in great shape. I'm not quite there yet.

I manage my time pretty well, but I could do better. I watch too much Netflix. I'm not quite there yet.

I recently revisited the "you're almost there, but not quite" emotional space when my book, The Halfways: A Guidebook for Strengthening Your Intuitive Connection, made the Eric Hoffer Grand Prize shortlist. I was super excited because the Grand Prize purse was $5k. I thought, "This is my chance to move to the next level. I will stand on the podium this time and bask in the joy of making it."

Wah. Wah. Wah. Wah. 

I almost did, but not entirely. I will remain on the shortlist evermore.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself in this negative space, I used what I wrote about in the book to shift my energy.

The idea that I'm not quite good enough is a negative belief based on comparison. Humans love to compare themselves to one another; self-pity is one of our favorite pastimes.

Feeling less than requires an active belief that I am not enough. So, in full disclosure, I have an active belief that tells me I'm not enough. Yes, I'm an award-winning author and coach who's still not there yet with her self-love.

The "I'm not good enough" contracted feeling tells me what belief structure my energy (consciousness) is currently passing through.

I must flow my energy through a more expanded (positive) belief to shift the bad feeling.

Feeling better is never about getting rid of negative beliefs. Every thought and belief structure that has ever existed still exists. I can connect with negative (contracted) beliefs anytime by shifting to their vibration.

I know I am on the vibration of the belief "You're never quite good enough" because I recognize what negative thoughts sound like. I am very familiar with the narrative "I never win. I'm not quite there yet." I've been saying it my whole life.

But I don't have to stay there for a long time. I can visit, and I do. But I don't spend a long time there anymore. I actively choose a different POV [point of view].

The POVs YOU explore in this lifetime depend on your emotional trajectory and the soul lessons you set up before entering this physical experience. Everyone's experience is unique.

For some (such as myself), taking 53 years to explore the "I'm never enough" vibration and belief systems was time well spent. I could not have created my preferred life experiences in any other way. 👈This sentence is me making a real-time energetic shift.

Celebrating where you are "shifts" your energy from feeling like you'll never quite get there to feeling like you were there the whole time.

Feeling better and being on a "higher" vibration is only a matter of a minute shift in perspective.

My spirit never joined me in my self-pity and feelings of not-enoughness. In fact, the only reason I can ever feel like I'm not enough is because I AM worthy on a spirit level. Worthiness is my (your) unshakable authentic state of being.

I am (you are) wholly spirit and partially physical.

Feelings are humans' compasses. They tell you what belief structure you're flowing energy through every moment.

You always have a choice whether you continue to flow energy through a particular belief structure or shift to another one. You are NEVER stuck thinking and feeling anything in particular.

Once you understand this, you can more quickly identify when you are CHOOSING a thought and feeling experience and use your self-development training to make the preferred mental, emotional, and physical shifts.

The practice of shifting your energy is a lifelong endeavor. We are not meant to "master" this skill in this lifetime. Why? Because this reality is full of contrast. This bold, beautiful contrast is precisely what we chose to create lasting soul expansion.

To make a long story short, I can continue to think of my book as not good enough to be a finalist or enjoy the delicious idea of making it to the shortlist. 

One thought trajectory will always make me feel yucky, enlarging my self-pity, while the other feels happy and celebratory.

Choosing the "I'm enough" path increases the chances that I'll create more of the same or something better.

Where am I in this moment? I'm practicing being aware of both options and redirecting my energy to the most abundant thoughts and feelings.

I may have "written the book" on spiritual and intuitive guidance, but I'm still very much an apprentice in this human journey. ❤️